


Hush, Hush

by BlodkruWrites



Series: Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Song Inspired [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Almost No Dialogue, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avril Lavigne - Freeform, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Friendship/Love, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hush Hush, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Very little dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 03:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlodkruWrites/pseuds/BlodkruWrites
Summary: Bucky's love life ended when Brock Rumlow cheated and left him. He's done putting himself out there, falling in love, anything to do with romantics.Steve's love life hasn't even begun. He's dealt with minor crushes and the occasional "love at first sight". But nothing that makes his heart stop and want to love and care for someone like it was his life's purpose. Until he's introduced to one James Buchanan Barnes.But this isn't going to end well, Bucky knows it. It happens every time. But Steve is insistent no matter what.----------------------------------------Based on "Hush, Hush" by Avril Lavigne





	Hush, Hush

**Author's Note:**

> If this seems sort of wonky, it's because I wrote this originally on my Wattpad as a one-shot. I had to go back and edit it the story so it was Bucky and Steve because originally it was openly written. Meaning I didn't have set characters or names or anything like that (I only used pronouns).  
> Let me know what you think!

 

_Having your heart broken is probably the worst feeling._

They both knew this shouldn't happen and friends was where they should have stayed at. But things got complicated and they were the only ones that understood each other enough to help the other. They were so sure it wouldn't work out and they would both go separate ways the second an opportunity presented itself. But things got complicated.

 James Buchanan Barnes didn't think he'd ever fall in love again. After three years in a relationship that ended with him bruised, he promised himself he would never give himself to someone ever again in anyway. Especially not romantically. His heart couldn't take another breaking without destroying him once and for all. When he felt things shift in him as he saw him, he knew only trouble would come. Tip toeing across his words and actions to make sure he didn't give off the wrong impression to him. Bucky was always cautious and prayed that if he left the feelings alone and didn't press them or interact with them much, they would go away for good. He resisted with everything in himself. He was _not_ going to fall in love with the blonde no matter what. He'd bite his tongue and walk away. Of course, things were never that easy.

Steven Grant Rogers had never been in love before. There were instances when he was sure there was something there and would chase after it eagerly only to be let down. It happened with his friend Peggy in college; both ended up deciding it was better if they were friends. He even thought he was in love with his best friend Sam at one point. The man had kindly accepted any compliments from Steve but told him he wasn't into men. Steve took it with a grain of salt. He had known those were passing feelings and they didn't really mean anything or compare to what he felt now.

He wasn't exactly sure when things changed only that this person had appeared in his life out of nowhere and he didn't want the brunette to leave. He didn't know anything about James but could see the sadness in his eyes, even when he laughed or smiled. He was so sad and Steve wanted to change that. Wanted to replace whatever sadness was there with only fondness and joy. But as time went on he would notice how he seemed to hide and shy away from him, from anyone. This made Steve uneasy and he wanted- _needed -_ to know why James was this way.

He had spent times he should have been doing something productive wondering about him. _What made you so sad?_ He wanted to ask him every time he saw him. _Who broke you?_ He had promised himself as they became friends to always try and make him smile and laugh even just the slightest. Anything to make him not feel so sad. "Call me Bucky, everyone does." The brunette had said the third time they'd hung out, just them. Steve had smiled at the nickname and nodded. Maybe he was getting somewhere if he was allowed a nickname now. He was sure it wasn't love and he wasn't falling _in_ love. No, he just wanted to be friends and see Bucky smile a real smile.

Bucky never wanted to be alone with him. He never wanted to be alone with Steve because he didn't know what he would do. He was sure he'd give into himself and do something they shouldn't and he could barely restrain himself anymore. Then, the party happened. Steve had waited until he'd seen Bucky was alone to talk. Steve was sure this was his chance to ask Bucky and to make him happy, not just smile in a kind way. He was close to him now and when he looked up to see him standing so close, he felt his heart drop.

Bucky had asked Natasha to not leave him alone; his irrational fear of this happening would happen. He didn't even want to be at this party but came anyway. Bucky stood from his seat and met Steve's eyes. He didn't realize they were both nearly the same height. And their eyes were nearly the same color. His own seemed to pale in comparison to Steve's deep set baby blues. He knew Steve was looking at him, taking in the mess he probably looked. And Steve was. He noticed the deep bruises under the brunette's eyes- the way his eyes were dark under the light. He could see the heart ache that lay behind them. He could see he had spent days, even weeks, crying and it had taken the shine away from them.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something and met Steve's eyes hesitantly. Before either really understood what they were doing, his mouth was covered by Steve's and his words were caught in his throat.

He didn't want to do this really, Steve never thought he would do this. He just wanted to make the sad look in Bucky's eyes go away and this seemed to work in the movies. Bucky had stilled himself, his body like a statue. His lips felt like they had been burnt and eyes glazed over. Steve's own mouth felt like static and he couldn't help but let a smirk form. Bucky bit his lip and clenched his jaw shut. He felt his heart lurch and wanted to cry, he hadn't felt this betrayed since Brock had left their apartment in the middle of the night. The asshole hadn't even left a note, just left with the pretty redhead down the hall.

Steve pulled back and was taken aback. He could see Bucky's eyes watering and felt a pain in his chest. He did the wrong thing. Cautiously, he reached for Bucky's hand to try and comfort him. The brunette moved away and turned to leave. He messed up. As much as Steve wanted to follow, to try to fix whatever he did, he didn't. It was probably better if he had.

He had tried to apologize for it and wanted to make it up to Bucky. But he never answered Steve's texts or phone calls and avoided him everywhere else like he had the plague. They had joked before about how Bucky could disappear sometimes. Whether it be physically or mentally, if Bucky didn't want to see or be around you then he wasn't. Only now did Steve feel the rejection and hurt that came with being the one avoided. With every message he sent that was left unanswered, he could feel himself crack. Bucky had told him before of why he liked being alone and didn't like when people got too close. He'd been hurt; Steve respected him enough to never press for more than that. He had let himself get ahead and hadn't thought about how he would feel in the instant. Steve thought it was just one simple action, just one kiss. But to Bucky, he now realized, it would be world shattering.

Bucky had told him many times how he was glad they were friends. But he also made it clear that was all they would be; it was all Bucky would be with anyone. He thought Steve understood when he told him about Brock. Bucky wasn't going to be getting into anything but friendships nor or probably ever. But he had still welcomed his company and trying to make him happy. Bucky appreciated the sentiment and would stay friends as long as Steve wanted him around. He didn't know Steve had come to think differently; how he saw the hurt in Bucky and wanted to fix it.

For a month he had spent dodging him like he was an enemy she needed to escape from. It wasn't too hard at first but as time passed he became more persistent. Bucky wanted to tell Steve to stop and leave him be. But every time he even saw the blonde, he felt himself falling harder. The impact of hitting rock bottom when they kissed left him sore and out of breath. He was reminded of that ache and pain when he wasn't careful and ran into him. Bucky had been so careful. He was stunned when Steve showed up at Natasha's house. It wasn't a party this time, just friends hanging out. He had seen Sam walk in and knew immediately he needed to leave. Steve had followed in almost right after.

Bucky had gotten up to leave but was stopped when Steve stood right in front of him. "Please, just talk to me Buck. I've got no idea what's going on right now." The blonde reached to touch his shoulder and he physically flinched. Bucky pushed aside and left the house; he could faintly hear Natasha asking what was wrong and Steve promising to explain later. If he could. Bucky was already out the door and walking to his car when Steve caught up. He grabbed for Bucky's left hand and stopped him. Bucky jerked and tried to pull his arm back. Steve wouldn't let go.

"Leave me alone, Steve." He tried to pull back again but Steve had been stronger than him. Not always though- Sam had told him Steve used to be a short little thing before puberty. Now, he nearly towered over Bucky. "Please, just let me and all of this go." Steve shook his head.

"Just talk to me, that's it. I don't know why you're fighting me so much." He had known about Brock, known how badly it hurt Bucky. Natasha had mentioned before how some nights Bucky would come to her house and cry. She had felt bad for her friend and it broke her heart to see him like that. But even she thought Steve might be good for Bucky. Neither could see why he wasn't letting himself be happy with someone. "I just don't understand why. Just tell me why you won't let this happen. It'll only hurt more if you fight." Why had one kiss broken him so badly again? Bucky's sky blue eyes that were once so easy for him to read, were shut closed and hard. He really wasn't going to understand, he realized.

 Bucky didn't expect him to understand, not really. When Bucky loved someone, he loved _hard_. It would be his downfall- his mother had told him so more than once. Bucky would put his complete heart and soul into loving someone and it almost always came back to hurt him. But he had persisted and thought Brock could be different. He seemed like it for the first two years they were together. Things were great. Even his mother had to say so. But then of course, nothing stays perfect.

"I didn't want to fall in love." Those words shocked Steve and he let his hand go. Bucky pulled back like he'd been burned. But he didn't leave. He stayed where he stood and bit back a quiet sob. He didn't realize he started to cry. "You can't understand, okay? You said so yourself, you've never been with someone long enough to know if it was love or not. But I did and I got hurt. I can't let that happen to you. I know I'll hurt you because I'll keep fighting because I'm scared. You'll lose everything with me, Stevie. I can't let that happen. Not again." Steve stared in awe. Jesus, he thought, he really didn't understand. Bucky was right. He wouldn't. He hadn't been in a relationship as long as Bucky had nor had his heart broken before. But it did make his heart crack seeing the desperate and sad expression the other had on his face.

Steve took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Bucky. When the brunette didn't flinch or move, he took it as a good sign. He kept his arms around Bucky's shoulders and held the man to his chest. Bucky was still against him but he didn't pull back. Steve sighed and gave him one squeeze. "I'm not asking you to love me. Just let yourself be happy. You're so sad, Buck. Even if it's not with me, let me help you be happy."  
  
Bucky didn't know what he did to deserve someone like Steve. But whatever it was, even in his heart broken and love hating mind, he knew it would be criminal to let it go. He let himself be held, let Steve take his hand, let himself be led back to the house. He didn't say anything, just let things happen. Let himself be around his friends. Let himself smile and laugh a little until it was too late to be awake. He let Steve walk him to his car, let him drive him home instead of taking his own car. He let Steve walk him up to his apartment. Let him give him a kiss on the forehead before saying goodnight.  
  
Maybe this could work. Maybe not. But tonight, he'd hush himself up and just let it happen.


End file.
